yoof

"mary ellis, what have you done?"

2005-11-25T22:43:16Z

Not that long ago, I thought what would happen if i died. Like, what would i feel? I don't care what all you kids feel, what would I feel? I think it would be like that drunken feeling you get when you are drunk; just over the edge; when you don't know what is going on but you 'know' what is going on.
Perception - gone, decision making - don't ask. Remember when you were young? You shone like the sun!

Emma got expelled! What the fuck is that about ay? Things seem to be a bit out of order at the moment. Please peaople, calm down. Everyone is being so fake. Stop being so fucking fake you fucking fakes. Get some real life. Stop being a bully, stop being such a cutn because you know that you are 'just as bad'. You actually make me sick. Not physically, but how could you be so nasty? HOW COULD YOU BE SO NASTY? There is nothing more obviously stand out than capitals, so there is nothing I can do. But people, please, don't be nasty. Some people are shits, but if you play to the top of your game with them, they will play to the top of theres'.

The mere fact that I am writing on LJ must tell you something!

But please people, think with your heads, make an effort to conform and most importantly think as if you were like that.

Cheers cunts, x

monkey_sex @ 2005-10-27T00:00:00

2005-10-26T23:09:14Z

I have lots to say but you aren't interested. So look at these pictures.

monkey_sex @ 2005-10-16T00:27:00

2005-10-15T23:59:07Z

The best times are those where you sit there indifferently, being quietly indeifferent. And then a smile comes to your face like a wave over the sand and you don't quite know why. And then it hits you. and you feel so warm.

But where have those times gone?

You know when you wake up from a dream and wish you were still in the dream and how real life don't quite match up to your dreams? And you know how silly that makes you feel. And then when you have one of those dreams that comes not so often, when you realise it's all a dream whilst it's going on. And you don't want it to end so you are careful. What the hell am I talking about? It's a dream. I have no control. But yeah. And then you wake up. And you are back to the silly feeling of wishing you were lying there asleep in your dreams. I guess if we didn't have dreams we would have nothing to hope for, because all our wishes and aspirations are dreams in a way.

A great man once said that if you are asleep and dreaming, and realise it, then you can control your dream. Do whatever you want. Be the king of the universe. Fly. Play the piano. Dream forever. Anything. There is a film about it. I have forgotten what it is called but it kicks ass.

This guy went to sleep one day and never woke up. They say he died in his sleep. Of old age or some crap like that. Makes you think.

nightmare made of hash dreams got the devil in my shoes

2005-10-06T20:50:42Z

pang pank pang pank pank pank moon..................................................

sit upon a gate, looking out to the waves
i saw it written on a sunny day, up in the moon on it's way
and none of you stand so tall, the pink moon is gonna get you all.

pang pank pang pank pank pank moon..................................................

oh yes he say till the bottom of the eggs
nobody can tell me no how.

eaosiosioiosiaooaoeoeoeoeooeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoe

feel quite happy but lso rather apathetic and yesh i dont really know. was gonna be going out on sturday with lost of people to some restaurant or somehting and was gonna be totally good and now like nobody is coming so will be me and the balsh sitting there drinking saying "aye". but it will be fun all the same. been doing much cycling and the likes and feel generally nicer and better. was talking and somebody said when you smoking again and i was thinking and totally have no plans to for a while, whilst knowing i will. which makes me smile. becaus ein the holidays i was liek ah ah ah ah ah yes i love weed. quote sublime"i smoke two joints in the morning.................. (insert personalised lyrics here)"

i dont really have much to say other than ^^

you were the last good thing i ever saw...............

2005-10-01T23:29:08Z

So you are sitting there in France, on the bed, playing cards, listening to music and thinking about stuff and thinking how it could have all been different and being tired. Jamie is there and he is his normal self, except that he smells like death on legs and he has big yellow blister patches on his face.And now it makes me not smile because this isn't happening anymore and i'm not lying on my bed next to guy going "DEAD BADGER YOU FUCKING SMELLLY CUNT I CAN SMELL YOU DONT HERE OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH me and GU ARE HAVING SEX OH YEAH" and then you sit up making oises for ages and getting cross with each other and then wake up and have some cofffee and ha and cheese and go ooooooooo yeah and then ski.

and then it is all over and it is six months later and you arent hap[py becaus eit has gon and it has all gone and all you want it for it to be back with your old worries and your old thoughts because thy were so much easier than your new ones.

"i want to wake up next to you, kissing the curve of your clavicle"

thinking of people talking about that an dbeing all like " hmmmmmmmm so where abouts is the claviclae" nd now wishing i was at leeds and drunk or soned and with grant and i cantr even remwemeber the other guys name but i now know it is cecei,l and yueah they dont know me and they dont judge me or say he has changed and i want to forgt everything I WANT TO FORGET EVERYTIng that has ever happened and be a new person and SAY THAT YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME AND YOU NEVER WILL AND NOBODY EVER DOES BECAUSE I AM ONE MYSTERIEOUS BIATCH.........................................

why am i never invited anywehre anymore? is it because i dont smoke weed anymore? if that is the reason then you can all fuck off and die because that is sooooooooooooo pathetic and i dont even want to have anything to do with you because you are an gay an you are drunk with your tradittion and something or other and i dont know what to say and whenyou think somehting and your eyes go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRFGFFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHG an dthen only thing you can think of is that one person who you think is the chmpion of the world and crying for 24 hours a day for ever and ever.

http://science.howstuffworks.com/alcohol.htm

by the way i am drunk. been to see space ritual in liverpiool. crazy psychadelic band. i got sevrved. pleased about that. they are formed from the ashes of hawkwind. but are a million tmes better.

i dot konw whatr to say. yeah. drunk. drinking the remeainder of leeds whisky and m aing memeoreis which i wish were dead and gone forever.

dont have much to ay other than please rememebr that i am here.

monkey_sex @ 2005-09-23T21:42:00

2005-09-23T21:12:08Z

September. It gets dark earlier. Which is good. Being out and about and being all "You cant see me motherfucker!"(because it is dark). And the cold. The cold is my favourite. Breathing in the cold. Looking at the stars and thinking about how far away they are and other things and breathing in the cold. Going somewhere else and looking nat the stars and wondering how you can still see them. Smoking in the cold and thinking that your lungs are still full of smoke because of the condensation on your breath. Halloween. And going inside from the freezing cold at night and closing the door and feling all warm again. playing recrds too fast and agreeing that the sound better. hoods up because otherwise your ears fall off from freezing. Playing records too slow and agreeing they sound better. Forests and dog walks and owls hooting and boxer sessions and bad tv and beer and saing hello to people no matter what and no complaining from anyone because there is nothing to complain about. Red wine. More red wine. More red wine. Oh and more red wine. Fighting for the warmth. Frosty mornings. Snow and snowflakes and lights and smiling. Then it all ends and gets light all the time and it is really good.

I want the winter.

Out of ultra happy mode. I feel lonely. Actually I don't feel lonely. I feel as though i am isolating myself and making it hard for others. But I don't know how to make it easier and i don't know whether I really want to.

I felt cold so i out my sero hoodie on and then felt sad because it has so many memories. I have had it since like the first year. And it still fits like a beast. But it has been through so much with me. Or has it? Have i been through very much at all? I don't know. I can't be bothered remembering.

Phone rings.
"Hello. Can I have Bauds' number, I want some weed."
'Yeah, I'll just get it.'
"I'm at this really ace party."
'His number is ............."
Phone hung up.

I want to be sitting in a car driving really fast down the motorway at night after being somewhere really good, listening to my favourite song and tapping my feet and getting that feeling you get when you sit in a car at night listening to your favourite song and tapping your feet.

Went into town today and it was really good until about quarter to four and then it got bad and I got the bus home and now it is something like quarter past ten and I am bored and am listening to Funeral Diner and feel like I should be listening to something else but don't know what. I feel really unsatisfed which is a bit gay because I was happy before. I want to read but I know i wont find that satisfying.

Oh well. Fun weekend coming up. If we are in opposites land. Hope you all have a good un.

Happy Birthday Ross for tomorrow. I doubt you will read this. But yeah. I miss being a stoner and being monged and laughing. But I don't like the look of it from this side.

some people.....

2005-09-16T19:41:17Z

some people seem seem so ungrateful. not even a simple thankyou. after many a kind word sent there way.

but bertie, you cannot feed your son on his thoughts alone

2005-08-18T22:38:44Z

Yesterday, being Wednesday was the day that Ross came over. We were gonna go to the Tate Modern in Liverpool but I was feeling ill so we put our plans back 24 hours. Spent a while grinding and then went to Olly's to hang and score. Played basketball and i beat Olly. Yeah!!!!! Only because I block hisentire the drive and dwarf(k) him like a tower over a less tall tower. Came home as fast as was possible from Olly's and had tea, drank coffee while listening to Miles Davis in the room that has leather seats and a wooden floor and then walked the dogs. Had blackberries. Watched Fear and Loathing for the umpteenth time and then went downstairs and I watched the football highlights in a sort of daze and was too hot and searched for fear and loathing things and talked to robots and then went outside for a few joints and then I watched Ross play on Nintendo emulators for a while and then couldn't sleep cos twas too hot.

Got up this morning, made coffee, got Ross up, skinned up and got ready to leave. And then my grandad arrived to take my brother out so we stayed and jayed at mine and then my dad gave us a lift to the train station so all was dandy. Got on the train and played CONNECT FOUR and poker.

Got to Liverpool and walked to the Albert Dock and wandered looking for jointage spot. Ross somehow managed to get drilled by a huge drill.

Tis actually a really nice city. Buildingwise and stuff that is there wise. But a police man gave us wrong directions. We showed him and map and he was completely dumbfounded. We had lunch at the Tate Cafe which was ultra tasty. Went into the gallery and looked at kick ass art for a few hours. My favourite was of this woman by this guy and I'm rather pissed off i did't make a note of who it was. But yeah. We watched a film about hijacking that was plenty entertaining and I think Ross found ideas for his work, which was one reason for going.

Pictures weren't allowed to be taken inside. I mean photographs. I mean it was not allowed for you to use a camera to record photographic memories. You could probably take pictures in if you really wanted. But yeah I wasn't allowed to use my camera so I didn't. Don't fuck with the Tate.

As we were walking down some stairs in the gallery, I coughed and these scouser townie hos turned around and said something along the lines of "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa don't do that, you might scare somebody". And it wasn't just like a humourfull offhand remark, it was a nasty scally comment. That is the sort of thing that makes me not like Liverpool as much as it should be liked.

But yes. Went for another joint and then ahoyyed to Subway. Then the the train station via a book shop. And then the train to home where Ross grew a moustache.

Then we got back and I went to my domus and Ross to his and tonight I have watched a thing about E equalling MC squared. Wow whagt a name for a rapper:- MC Squared. I'm sure it will have already been done. But yeah now listening to Theolonius Monk and playing camera games.

this is not an eRECT, all red, neon, body

2005-08-14T11:17:21Z

Went to Sam's on friday after extensive adventures with Skinny Ginny and his little baby friend. Cycled up to meet him near hbis house because i'd said that i would meet him sometime during the holiday, not realising he would take my offer seriously and call upon me to come see him. So yeah cycled up to meet him and then sat in a park and talked about nothing that i can remember. Went and met Odey and by the look on her face it was made known to me that she didnt' really want to hang out with these two little people.

Went back to this park and called Olly and he came over and then went and stood near a gate waiting for his friend to drive up to him and throw something out of the window at him. Waited for aaaaaaaaaaagggggeeeeeees and got really bored and played on the roundabout and the swings and still was bored. Olly got the shizzmatrizer and we had a woozle of it before heading back towards Sam's, leaving Andrew with the remainder and watching him 'toke' away at it. Hah.

We walked Olly too his house and borrowed his scootay and i scootayed and Odey cycled and we got to Sam's about an hour later because I'm sure we were pointed in the wrong direction. Or the long direction. It might just have seemed really longer because I am barely familiar with the road around there. Got to Sam's and it was decided that blackberry picking would be the name of the game. We went to the Ribble and everyone seemed to be having fun and it was nice for a bit but i got really pissed off and just wanted to go home. Went and bought booze and then went back to Sam's and people were there. Had a couple of j's and sat around.

Twasn't especially a great party. Everyone was being a bit gay so i went to sleep. Twas nice to see Jamie for the first time since school though and talked to him plenty. Woke up in the morning to the sound of Odey throwing up and went and tried to help her but i think i was pretty useless. Wasn't really throwing up, just dry wretching. But it makes a nice sound that keeps you wie awake. Got her some water and then skanned up and walked Jamie to the bus stop in the rain. Walked back to Sam's with glee all over my face. Not. It was wet, I was cold, I was tired, I wasn't very happy, all my clothes were somehow rather amp from the night before.

Got back to the house and didn't do much for a while then me and Harry and Jack went to get fish and chips and it was a really retarded trek and then we walked back and i ate my chips outside because it was too noisy inside and it wasn't very happy. Then i came home and listened to music and then my mum said i looked tired so i had a nap for an hour and a half because i was going to my mum and dad's friends house for tea. I wasn't really looking forward to it because i remembered their children and i having nothing at all in common and no talking ever happening. They have a daughter in my year at LGGS called Bridget. Buckley. So yeah i was being very un excited about everythng and then we got to their house and watched tv for a while and then played on the computer and had tea and it was all really nice and there was much talking. Then we played Masquerade or somehting which is like a mime board game and it was so much fun. Adults vs kids. Kids won but only because their mum was whispering the answers to one of us every time but only if we couldnt get it and it was really nice because it made the person who was doing the mime feel as though they were doing it really well because it always got guessed.

So yeah that was really fun and the atmosphere of the evening was only brought down by my brother being a complete and utter cock and coming out with stupid comments and giggling and it just seemed as though he was a three year old. And he kept saying nasty things about me and trying to bring things up to make people laugh and was just being nasty. He says that i show off infront of my frieds to look 'cool' and make them not like me and he gets upset about it. But he was saing stuff about me that if i said about him he'd cry. Just making up stupid things. He deserves a nice twatting. But yeah if it wasn't fr him it would have been a super good evening and i had completely lost all my tiredness but then it was time to go home so we had to and i sat by my computer for hours listening to music then went to bed becuase I had got tired.

Now it is this morning. Bored.

"im sitting here with a severed head in my hands, looking at it, talking to it, and im about to go completely fucking crazy...................................."

Not been taking my camera anywherw ith me so no pictures.

emo entry (big kids have feelings too)

2005-08-10T20:40:54Z

Things have seemed to have caught up with me recently. Like during the summer holidays, because i have suddenly got time to think. Like before the summer there were exams and then excitement about going on holiday and all i was thinking about was things to do and stuff. But now I have run out of anticipation and excitement and am spending most, if not all of my time sitting in my room playing guitar or listening to music and thinking about things and I don't want to because I just end up feeling really lonely. Then I think "Hey, no reason to feel lonely, you have plenty of ace friends and a cool family and are never so short of money that you can't do anything and everything in your life is really good."

I know that it is selfish to want material possesions and i can't think of more things that i want especially much. That probably shows how spoilt i really am. But is it selfish or greedy or whatever to want mental "possesions" or whatever you want to call them? I can't really think of the words to describe what I really feel but I am really cross at myself for wasting so much that could have made me happier in the long run by chasing things that were never really there. Like a dog that has a bone in it's mouth and peers into a pond and sees another dog with a bone. Now this dog has a perfectly good bone, but because of this he is getting delusions of grandeur and thinks that he can have whatever he wants, or whaever he thinks he wants. You have to remember that this dog is young and stupid, but still remember that that isn't an excuse for anything. So this dog opens it's mouth to get the bone from the dog in the pond and drops the one in it's mouth and then the reflection is destroyed and there is nothing left. Everyone has heard that story before.

And everthing is going so fast. So fast that it is scary. I am always thinking that thing that were a while ago didn't happen as long ago as i think. But that was really put into perspective when Odey told me that her and Jamie have been going out for five months on friday or whenever. And i was so shocked. It seems like two weeks ago that they started going out. To me it does anyway. And then i think that is five months that have passed without me noticing and I have nothing to show for it apart from a jumble of half forgotten memories most probably from an over indulgence in drugs and the likes. So with the attempted calming down of the drug stuation while hoping that i will remain friends with all my buds like Bauds and Hugh and even Ross and Jamie to the extent that all we ever do is related to the smoking of weed. Well that isn't true. Me and Jamie grew closer while everyone that we'd usually hang with was away on studay leave, but all we talked about was how we were going to get money to buy weed and how long it would take us and how much we had smoked the night before and who we'd be buying it off and how much we'd be buying and so on and so forth and so on.

Why am i at all bothered about that though? I can cope perfectly fine without weed as i have demonstrated to myself since Saturday. Ha ha that is no time at all, but i have had no 'cravings' feelings that i need it so much or can't do anything without it or anything and I have barely even thought about it until now. But yeah why does it even matter at all????? I am actually just talking absolute bollocks now. Just typing away into this stupid internet hoping that somebody will read this and leave a nice comment to make me feel wanted and knowing that it will only have any effect on me for the moment that I read it and that it was only written out of sympathy for the overwhelmingly pathetic entry. And now that that has been written it is just silly. Why am i writing this on an online diary if it is not to be asking for sympaty from people for the way that I behave and think? Why don't I just write it in my own little personal diary that i let nobody else see and don't let anyone know exists? Fuck i'm bored with this now and have got completely nowhere and am in a bad mood now and just want somebody to hug and hold forever and ever and ever and ever. Why did I even bother writing this? Because I knew that by the end I wouldn't be feeling better because i never do and why am I still writing? Why? Trying to explain myself for what reason?

Everything feels all messy and twisted and nasty but I feel comfortable knowing that it is the same, or almost the same as every other time that I have felt like this and that I will have these feeling forever and ever until I am old and dead. I just need to learn to live for the moment and not the future. Nothing is permanent.

phoenix in flight; phoenix in flames

2005-08-10T18:58:41Z

spent monday and tuesday and tuesday nigth and most of today with sam and odey doing not much but sitting about. monday they came round and the weather was top and we sat in the garden and looked at clouds and had a glass of pimms. one of the clouds we saw was shaped like a pokemon or something. i cant remember. what do you think?

and there is odey looking at the clouds.

on yesterday we didnt do much. walked the dogs and jammed and lay in bed and watched stuff. we went on an excursion to the deepdale retail centre which was weird because JJB sports has completely changed and was completely unrecognisable and it used to be such an important place to me when i was but seven years old. it was like somebody had taken my childhood and changed it around completely and moved the footballs and added an extra floor and moved the football court that was there sooooooooooo long ago. ah the memories.

this is busty odey.

this is naked looking odey.

this is my dog skip (yeah like the film by the name "my dog skip") wallowing in the local water hole.

this is a picture of me with my mouth open which i am in the process of learning not to do when photos are being taken. the idea isnt to move the mouth into unnatural positions. one should realise that.

i was going to write a boring ass feelingsy entry but i aint no boring ass faggotty emo kid emo fag am i? so i decided against it and to keep all these thoughts locked up inside me like thoughts locked inside the crazy chemical formulations in the annals of the human brain. or whatever.look at the background for my lj. when i look at that i wish summer had never come because before summer i had so much to look forward to and was having such a not so bad time. now there is still plenty of summer left. but after it is gone i have nothing. apart from school. which i enjoy. but i cannot be bothered. but the picture is pretty also.i took it in northumberland. when i was there being a dude. love xxxxxxx

shibby bibby give me your heart please

2005-08-07T17:37:40Z

woop went to sams yesterday night which was rATHER SPANKING. went round at bout five i think and we got dressed up like fiends and then went down to the canal to play. swifty was avec us and we developed whole alter egos where sam is a credit card fraudist and swifty is a pro golfer and i was a papparatzzi freshout of clown college.

sexual shirt. to continue we returned to sams and swifty went to get his thread on and we watched tv and drank beer that we went and got from the shop. and there were these townies at the shop and i was getting money out of the machine and they were standing there going "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh look at that dick 'ed with that gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy shirt on. let's go twat him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and i was jus standing there trying t act cool and shouting "sam" as loud as i could without attracting attention from them and then my money came out so i ran into the safety of the spar.

we made and ice bucket for the beer but unfortuanately there was only one bucket and lots of beer so we had failed. swifty came round and brought jack with him. i looked at some squid for a while and realised how it really was kinda disgusting.

jack wasnt quite up to the same standard of dress as the rest of us, but we allowed him into our elite club. but he had to sit in the corner.

then the evening lost its respectfulness and we moved towards the warmth and heat of the house. but not before swifty had a wee wee.

yeah swifty in a tux. nice. woop. bored. sunday night. no school tomorrow. wop. comments please x

4000 years of suppressed dissection; holiday so far

2005-08-04T17:54:16Z

hey hey. t holiday so far has been pretty good. went to hong kong and bangkok avec ma famille for the first two weeks and now this week i have been at home looking after my brother and 'resting'. monday ross and olly came over and wednesday i went to sams for a bit. party on.

had a hair cut on holiday and often got drunk and argued with my parents. my lil bro was quite unimpressed with this.

bangkok was pretty good.

olly, ross and the berbonator

i just couldnt help but wap it out...................

odey listening intently to the camera.

i don't want summer to come so fast

2005-06-14T20:22:28Z

the summer holiday is coming up so soon and it seems like only yesterday that the finnish people were here. which is a bit gay because that means that summer will be over in no time and we will be back on the gravy train. fucking gravy. anyway yeah i think we only hav elike three weeks of school left and that is nothing and then i go away on holiday aves ma famile for two weeks and then i get back and i have like four weeks which i almost nothing considering if i want to do anything i will have to work for money. ah but actually i might not have to becaus ei can just not do anything and get people to come to my house. so yeah come to my house.

thinking about old times. like this time last year. and i can't actually really remember what was going on. at all. so i doubt very much was going on really. flop. want to do somehting exciting.

adventures which are gonna take place in the summer holiday

go to the beach at crosby to see sculptures.
camp with rob somewhere.
stay in ausvitz in the park.
go to jacks and do this thing.
get drunk fifteen times.
go to leeds and mong for the whole time.
smash a window.
go to hong kong.

why is the weather not back like this again huh? is it your fault? haha the bus got stuck behing a gypsy caravan today.

monkey_sex @ 2005-06-08T07:10:00

2005-06-08T06:10:53Z

so bored. 01:02am 8th June 2005

wanna go see trencher and funeral diner today but not allowed. bumtron. new email address so add me please if you arent a remmer................................. chund@hotmail.co.uk.

everyone i my year at lggs got their maroon jumpers today so they all looked like mr. blobby. except the wrong colours. been doing sherlock holmes coursework but finnisehd like half an hour ago. lots of bullshit involved.

buttercups at the priory

not been going to bed very early because i have not been tired and i think it's because i have nay been smoking the ganja because i always used to fall asleep early.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< NORTHUMBERLAND SUNSET kinda. love x

and today i broke my camera

2005-06-06T22:39:33Z

oday i broke my camera. i have only had it for 39 days and i broke it. haha. almost as good as breaking my nice headphones and then my mp3 player withing like a week. actually. no. better. haha i broke those and they were like birthday presents andi got a phone for my birthday ages ago and i broke that too. but that was ages ago.

pfffft. oh well. yeah i took it back to the sop because it had got a sandy vagina and the guy said sony might fix it on the warranty but they might not. got the twenty to five bus to preston. what is that i hear you saying? the twenty to five to prston? oh yes it does exist. and now we are making a film about lots of different things. anywat............... came home and revised. i actually did revision. and by revision i dont mean i sat around pretending to revise, i went trough stuff and made notes. twas the first time i had ever done it. i quite enjoyed it. will probably do it again sometime.

yeah if anybody has that picture of me and ross naked with guitars covering our goolies on their computers please send it to me because i dont. and i really want it. i know somepeople will have t because i remember sendign it to lots of people. so own up not and send it me back. you better had not have deleted it because it was one kick ass photo. bop.

lop x x x x x

half term photos

2005-06-05T21:25:02Z

photos from the past week or so

skinning up at olly's

ross in a hole

me bumming ross

odey eating a muffin perfectly normally

jamies mum is not too impressed by the camera

oh golly gosh

coco standing proud

boy o boy was i kaned

old times drunk and such

2005-06-05T18:55:08Z

pwarp just heard a song by my chemical romance and i cant remember what it is called but it talks about not being okay anbd wearing people out i think. but yeah like it seems like yesterday that everyone was merry and bumming about at sams and we were dancing to that i think. well me and odey and sam and tom and cath i think to that. but like yeah. and everyone has to be friends and fucking be nice to each other because treally it takes so little effort. an dit takes less effort to say nothing than something nasty. so everyone can be nice.

want to bitch but no no no no no........

fucking ouji board

2005-06-04T21:13:20Z

hahahhaahahahah ok im realluyy really riunk so if nonne of this makes sense then tough shit because im so drunkj. hahahhaha. yeah but toda after tea my mum cha;;enged ,me to ouiji bord it off a big and we did and to me it was so obvious thatr she was cheating and pushing it. by the way thsat it moved it wqas able to tell ytatr my mum was pushing it. and then at the end i sAID SHE had cheated and she denied it and i knew she had but chchchhchchhchchchchchchchhchchch and she had forced me to play and i really really cant be bothered explainign but iut has made me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cross.

stayed at jamies last night with ross an odey. has made me realise that i no longer have odey's email adddress on my msn so i am adding hwer now and she ius added.

but yeah if anybody else has had any fun with ouiji botrads tsall me about it and i want to prove you wrong spo im sure i can give you a logiucal explaination for it.

went to jamies last night and had a big mix among othwer things. odey and ross stayed. booned abpout. jamie left for work really ealry7 this morning so we didnt see him unitl we got to town.

dont really hav emuch t0o say more. feeling really rather quite depressed. chchchhc c chc c chc chc hc chc hc ch chchchcbchb hb hb chbc hcbhcbchbchb no surprise there. not been ultra happy for a while. need to be ultra happy. listening to koreisch. should priobabably listen to ultra happy music if i wanna be happy. not silly dum dum dum, dum dum dum, noizeeeeeeeeee styleeeeeee........

hey rosss have you still got my koreisch cd?

listen to it.

fucking hobo. gonna note people ao thay note meee.

nbote me biatch.

hahahhahahahb im sure i ate something at jamies which has given me eggy burps

white witch

2005-05-27T20:31:44Z

there was this woman on the bus who claimed to be a white witch and i gave her a radish and she gave me a lolly. twas really strange she was pretty crazy and tim and jollies were takin the piss outta her but she kept being so nicce. tim gave her a bracelet and she gave him a pen. she said she was an angel and followed god. she left her purse on the bus. we looked in it for fcontact details and found this big list of pills she had to take and when and she was prescribed all this crazy shit and we were all like whoaaaaaa.and i handed her purse to the bus driver because i was scared. i mean she was an angel and a witch and shit. scary. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

yeeh oin to northumberland omorrow to chong out a bit ad be a boonface.

chongfest

2005-05-21T09:35:23Z

went to bauds' after school with ross and got to his house like a minute after four twenty. bauds wanted some socks because he didnt have any non odd ones. we did not much for a while and then hugh came round and we played bin head and ross lost so he had to make a forfeit but he didnt.
ordered pizza after playing worms and talkinjg about pizzas for w while. me and ross had to go and wait for them. then the guy called us and told us to go over to his car and pick them up. so ross scuttled over to the wrong car. i was scared. but then we got it right and went back to bauds'.
we had to get the bus back into town so we did and went about wandering cos we had til half ten before we could get picked up. we went for a wander and went to the cinema but there were only two star wars seats left and they werent together so we went for fish and chips and sat at cgs and ate them and then went to the farmers arms and watched this guy play guitar and sing and he was really good and was just like bright eyes kinda. and then this crazy band played and they were really fast and tight but not heavy or hardcore really but they were amazing. but then it was time to go so we went.
came home and went to sleep.

some girls have all the fuck

2005-05-16T20:03:33Z

Today i have been ill and off school. Sat in bed until the house was empty reading and then watched little nicky because it was the only film that i could find that doesn't have a slightly depressing theme (oh, apart from it being about going to hell and dying. Well, i guess it doesn't focus on bad things.) and it wasn't very good. I knew it wasn't good because i'd seen it before.

Then I played online poker for about four hours. Free online poker. Not wasting my own money.

Haven't updated this thing for a while. Pfft.

the weekend and bowling

2005-03-06T15:22:41Z

back in my room so im happy and its very good and you should come and see it.

friday was alrighty. ran really afast through town with ross to get to mung mee and got a wok and some basil and some noodles and then missed the bus at the station so ran at the speed of light to the bus at common mcgarden street and everyone said we'd missed it but we went round the corner and it was stil there so we got on it just in time. played with my hand on the bus. had a basil sanwich. i had loadsa basil, but ross could only handle a few leaves. i had like a whole basil tree in mine. i spent all night in my room being happy happy.

on saturday went into town with balshaw and met rogerson and walling. haha walling. went to some townie shops because balshaw wanted a pink shirt and he found one and then didnt buy it and then found another one and bought that. rogerson and walling didnt want to go into waterstones with me because they said it would ruin their street cred. went to caffe nero and had a decaf double espresso because im X. went to the bus station and balshaw and mark had an argument about which bus we had to get to cassie's.then went to cassie's house and ezzy and april were there and then fred and pinder came and i had my nails painted by ezzy and april and then we had pizza and then we watchd tv and then we sat in cassies room and then we went to the bowling place.

stood around for a while and i started to feel poop and we started bowling and i was really really really shit and i lost the first match and i wasnt in an especially good mood so i think i was just sitting about sulking so sorry if i was but nobody who was there reads this so it dosent matter. then the second match started and i still did really really really shit but didnt loose. but only cos april had my last two shots. and the only perosn i beat was her. so it think i actually lost because it was her beating her. but i will win next time. so technically i did stll loose. we didnt have bumpers so it obviiously dosent count as real bowling. had another coffee because i wasnt happy and it hought that wiold make me happy and the people at the bowling alley didnt understand what decaf meant so i had to keep sdaying it and their coffee machine was shit but i dotn know. james wanted me to gte drunk but i said i couldnt but i wanted to. its not as fun being edge with those people because they just ask why and what it is and i couldnt be bothered and nobody uinderstood when i got a strike and did the "HUH" thing. but yeah.

after the bowling we played on soem games and stuff. air hockey and electrocution machines and the likes. i didnt go on the electrocution machine because i was too scared. then i felt like a complete pussy because ezzy and aprila dn pinder went all the way to the highest thing on it on the top level. balshaw's dad gave me a lift home and i sat in my room listening to bob marley until about twelve and then fell asleep. then woke up soon after because my phone was ringing and i thing it was odey and i answered it and i think she asked me to call back and then hung up. but i dont know. but i didnt call back because i had no credit. and then i fell asleep again. and then woke up at four because april called me. and either her or cassie asked me if they had woken me up. ad i said yes and i'm sure they sounded confused and appologised. but it was four o clock in the morning. what elsewas i supposed to be doing? but then i felt really awake but then they had to go because it would cost laods or somehting and then they were gonna text me but i said i had no credit so they didnt.

so i sat up in bed for an hour wide awake listening to pink floyd. my laptop is really annyinh me because every five minutes or so, the fan inside it turns itself on to cool it down and stop it overheating. but the fan is really loud and annoying. so i cant leave the laptop on when i go to sleep because every five minutes there is this big BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. so that is annoying.

woop. today ive listened to lots of grind to get me in the mood for grind. but now i'm really tired. i want broadband because our internet is really really shit and i have no internet on my laptop because i cant be bothered. woop gonna be excited for the next two weeks at school. find fun stuff to do in town and if i get bored i think i will just go home instead of being incredibly bored. boop.

leave me notes. please. x

ouikymujtebgfevrwcdsgr

2005-02-23T19:57:30Z

grrrrrrrrrrrr in a really bad mood but will smile on.

school was wank and i had to give someone else half the credit for the huge piece of geography i spent ages doing. well i didnt have to but i did because he'd lost his. and i got in troubke because we were supposed to do it all by ourselves. but i shared. and it was really god. and i think she alreadyt thinks im stupid. but now she thinks i made him do it and got him to out my namne on it which is not true.

im really pissed off at everybody. that is not the same as everyone is pissing me off.

and twatt peopel ahve taken over battle of the bands so now i am just a helper.

;kAJDBHck;jwBADCKJBSADJCBWSDBCUJSDABCUJBSDCHBUUUHBBUJBUhbuhuhUHUhuHUhhuHUhuhgyvgfgtdewsEDHnb;klMNKUGhyfJHVhgchgVHJbmnB,Mn,mN,MN,mn,MNljOIoioIP[l;';LKMNHJubygtfrdtfVGHB

hmnmnmnmnmmnm wanna grind it up completely and grrrrrrrrrreqing but i cannot be biothered polaying my giutar any more but i think i will in a intu but niot actulaly ina minute becaus eim gonna use the ohone but i need to finnisg this fucking homework im foiung toooo soososososo arhgghghghghghg and everyone and everything is building up to and annyoying explosion.........

heheheheheh reverse repurcussions in the likfe of a pseudo intelltectuall jackass called amro ebburariy.

dick on toast

2005-02-19T13:40:57Z

haha eqrhklBKJFSDASLa im going to see converge. they better had not be as such a great letdown as pig destroyer.

hmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnm bored

went to sams yesterday and itr was fun but not all that fun. i wasnt in a very good mood and felt quite strange. not drunk or stoned, just really childish. it just made me annoyed. by half ten i was really bored and want3ed to go home. twas entertaining waching ross being really drunk. talked to sam outrside a bit. i would have been happier if i wasnt going hiome because i could have got so fucked that i was happy. but i cou;ldnt. so i layt there and people got cross becuasde i was monging and sam jumped on me and that hurt a lot and then odey came over and was trying to touch my face or something and it was so fucking annoying and i told her to go away and she wouldnt and then she did but she pulled my hair first and walked ovwer me and then kicked me.

cath got emotional and drunk and it was slightly funny but only becaus ei find things like that funny. cath, if you are reading this, i wont tell.

came home and slept really nicely and dreamt about being at sams and wanting to coem home and then woke up and was home and then fell asleep and had the same dream and woke up.

sat about all mornign listening to music and read my fod and it made me cross becuase the only people i think im as good friends with now as i thought i was are ross, sam, jamie and jack.

decided to not do weed and alcohol for a few weeks or smoke cigarettes. i feel like i have hafd alot in the past few weeks. i dont think i actually have. but i might have. and cigarettes make me smelly. and wiht alcohol i sleep in uncomfortable places and forget to brush my teeth. and wehn my room is done i want to sleep in it for long periods of time. i think im gonna have a straight edge two weeks just to prove to myself i can.

i dont want to preach to anyone about being stright edge. we are all equal wihtin the scene. its just edge is better!

bored. gonna go and try and melt a banana.